BEST of the BETS
A jockey is walking down the road leading a racehorse when he bumps into a friend. “What are you planning to do with that nag?” the man asks. “Race it,” replies the jockey, surprised. “Well, by the look of it,” the man says, “You’ll win!”
A guy is walking through the country when he spots a sign that reads, “Talking Horse for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks up to the stable to check it out.
“So what have you done with your life?” he asks the horse.
“I’ve led a full life,” the horse answers miraculously. “I was born in The Andes where I herded for an entire village. Years later, I joined the mounted police force in New York and helped keep the city clean. And now, I spend my days giving free rides to underprivileged kids here in the country.”
The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the horse’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of such an incredible animal?”
The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”
A horse ends up sat opposite a donkey on a train on their way home from work.
The donkey asks the horse what do you do then?
I’m a race horse he replies
Oh I says the donkey, you ever won owt then ?
Loads says the horse, I won the derby twice, the king George, I won the arc de triumphe, I won the grand national at least once and the gold cup at Cheltenham.
Impressive says the donkey . Why do t you come round to my place Friday night tell me all about it
Ok says the horse I’ll be round about 19:00pm
The donkey starts thinking to himself how impressive this nag is and what he can do to impress this horse on Friday night.
Friday morning he goes out shopping and comes back with a large photograph of a zebra and sticks it on his mantel piece
7 0clock arrives and in walks the horse to see the donkey stood next to the pic of the zebra,
That looks ok says the horse, who is ??
That’s me says the donkey when I played for JUVENTUS
A friend just rang me last to say he was going to Thurles this afternoon, he said he has heard a whisper and asked me if I want the winner of the 4:00 Race on the card?'
'I said, no thanks mate, 'I've only got a small garden.'
A man was sitting quietly reading his Saturday morning paper, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife walks up behind him and whacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan.
MAN: "What the hell was that for?"
WIFE: "What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Lucylou written on it?"
MAN: "Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Lucylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on."
The wife looked all satisfied, apologizes, and goes off to do work around the house.
Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan swatting.
MAN: "What in the world was that for this time?"
WIFE: "That horse you had that bet on called and asked for you this morning."
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